Saturday, April 14, 2012

It's Pajama Time...oh, yeah

I think Livi is trying to eat Ava's nose.

Can you tell Ava had been outside smelling dandolions?

Sunday, April 8, 2012

My D Day

One year ago today I spent the day sitting outside of church crying.  First of all, there wasn't enough room to even stand in the back.  Second I didn't have the heart to pretend, to go through the motions.  Just two days prior John and I had heard the words Rett Syndrome for the first time.  I wanted so badly to believe that there is no way Emmy could have such a horrible disease but in my heart I knew.  The day before we had been sitting on John's parent's deck and Emmy was looking at their cat through the glass door.  Just a few short months before she had been saying cat and smiling.  Now when we tried to get her to repeat it, she just stared blankly ahead.  When I think about what it sounded like to hear words coming from her mouth my heart breaks again and again.  When I would hear those words I thought it was just the beginning.  But instead it was slowly coming to an end.

Although we weren't officially diagnosed until JULY, yes JULY, a whole two months later, last Easter weekend marked the beginning of what has been the bumpiest road I've traveled.  There are times when I want to scream.  And there are times when I want to wrap her up, hold her and make it all go away.  There are times when I accept Rett Syndrome and then there are times I feel certain they'll find a cure.  Whatever the future holds for Emelia I just want to love her.  I want to take the time to understand her, to give her choices, to work as hard as I can to help her learn and grow.  She is a beautiful, sweet little girl who deserves it all.

So I'm certain each Easter weekend will stir up these emotions again and again.  I will shop for things to put into their Easter baskets and remember when she used to walk up to her Easter basket, sit down on the floor, pull out a special book I bought her and flip the pages.  I will long for the time before I even knew Rett Syndrome existed...back when I allowed myself to dream of Emelia's future.  I will take the time to mourn the loss of what I thought would be.  And then, I will shake it off and focus on the good, all the blessings I have in my life.  I will ask God to give me strength, patience and courage to tackle what lies ahead and have faith that He will help me through.   

Monday, April 2, 2012

She's Here! She's Here!

Olivia Gabrielle Foster was born on Saturday, March 17th at 11:28 am.  She weighed in at 6 lbs. and 7 oz. and was 20 inches, our biggest baby yet : ) 

Grandma E. with Ava and Olivia

We had to be quick to get this picture!

Olivia with her Mimi

My tiny girl coming home!